This year millions of 'holidays' will be taken in Egypt, but according to professional Egyptologist, Margaret Pilkington, the vast majority will be taken by 'sunburnt proles' whose 'very existence' makes the professor of Egyptology 'choke back sufficient bile' to 'practically drown [her] lungs'. In a remarkably candid statement offered at the end of an official champagne reception for the Egyptian ambassador, Pilkington told us: 'These people can't so much as hope to begin to appreciate Egypt in the way that we do, and their pitiful efforts to do so make me wish I could wrench my eyes from their sockets so that I might never again have to witness some gawping tourist failing to understand even a basic fourth Dynasty private mortuary inscription. Oh, I've just been sick into my mouth a bit just thinking about them. Pass me that glass, would you?'.

Share this on facebook | Tweet this