In an exclusive interview with the womens' weekly magazine Grazia, the Egyptian
Deity Amun has sensationally described himself as 'a pretty down-to-earth sort of God' and pleaded to be left alone. He
has blasted the 'shameless' Egyptologists who make a living trading in 'speculation and supposition' about everything from
his sexual proclivities to his essentially autogenous nature.
'I know I'm meant to accept that this sort of endless scrutiny comes with the territory for
Egyptian deities', Amun said, 'but I find it really hard to understand how these people live with themselves, making
a career from writing academic articles about me, peddling their latest unfounded ideas about my personal life. In
one way, I think the real culprits are the editors of the journals that print this rubbish, and the people reading
the journals, because ultimately they create the demand for this stuff. I really just wish they'd all leave me alone.
I must have read a hundred different theories about the origins of my zoomorphic form, but have any of these
so-called Egyptologists thought to just come and ask me about it straight out? I'd be happy to tell them - I just
like rams. It's honestly as simple as that. I've always thought they're really cute, with their furry faces and
little twisty horns and everything. Really, though, I don't think these people are even interested in what the truth
is. They just see me as a way to get their tenure or their RAE rating or whatever. I mean, I suppose they've
got families to support just like me, but I do sometimes wish they'd do it without speculating about the significance of
my ithyphallic form. Come on, we've all done things we're embarrassed about early on in our careers. It's bad enough that
those pictures of me with my cock out are all over those temple walls, without some sub-human Professor of Egyptology at
Oxford getting twenty pages of highly-referenced speculation out of it.'
In perhaps the most poignant part of the interview, Amun bears his soul and allows himself
to wonder whether there will ever be an end to his torment. 'I've been on the scene for millennia now, and I've given up
hoping that these scum will run out of things to write about me', he is quoted as saying 'Do you think they'll still be
bothering Lindsay Lohan in another hundred year? Will they bollocks.'
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