A Luxor tour guide has been suspended from his duties and an investigation launched into his conduct, according to sources from a British university. Abdul Mohammed, 56, has been accused of showing wilful disregard for almost three decades of advances in archaeological theory.

According to Egyptology graduate Nicola Aitken, who was visiting Egypt with friends recently 'doing the tourist thing,' Mohammed's presentation consisted of little more than a series of factually accurate statements, quite deliberately crafted to be as memorable and digestible as possible to a person of average intelligence. Based on Aitken's report to her colleagues at Swansea University, Wales, an investigation has been launched and is expected to result in at least three PhD theses. Speaking exclusively to egyptastic.co.uk, Aitken herself said: 'it was disgraceful. He was telling people kings' names and the dates of their reigns, in flagrant disregard for post-processual principles, and particularly pages 65 to 67 of Renfrew and Rowlands' Impossibility of Archaeological Objectivity, which clearly show that both names and dates are so dangerously subjective as to have absolutely no place in modern archaeology.' Aitken also pointed out Mohammed's 'complete ignorance of the importance of meta-narrative', shortly before disappearing up her own arse. She is believed still to remain there at time of going to press.

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