Zahi Hawass, Egypt's foremost promoter of Egyptian Egyptologist Zahi Hawass, announced his most startling discovery for many weeks at a packed press conference yesterday. The find, made while he was on a lecture tour of North America, is thought to be the earliest ever evidence for the use of the now ubiquitous typeface 'Papyrus'. Hawass, sweating prodigiously and occasionally dabbing at his brow with a length of recently-excavated mummy-wrapping, explained how his latest triumph came about.

"I logged on to the internet in my hotel room, and within ten minutes of searching, I had stumbled by divine chance upon the online newsletter of the Michigan Egyptological Society, November 2003 edition, just as my donkey had stumbled some ten years earlier through the roof of the Golden Valley of the Golden Mummies of Gold. My archaeologist's eye immediately saw that this was a special discovery. As I brushed the dust back from the monitor, I saw shapes that to a trained Egyptologist are unmistakeable. Within minutes, I knew that I had found the earliest ever Papyrus". After a pause, and in a barely audible whisper, Hawass added: "...typeface."

Detractors of Dr. Hawass, perhaps envious of the rumoured two million dollar sponsorship deal he has recently signed with the World of Denim clothes chain, have already attempted to rubbish his claims. Many attended the press conference, and some went so far as to brandish poor quality Egyptological magazines, Lebanese restaurant menus and local church newsletters, all of which - they maintained - featured the Papyrus typeface and pre-dated his discovery. Hawass waved all such claims aside with a single sweeping waft of his generic wide-brimmed hat.

Dr Hawass now looks set to claim rights over all uses of Papyrus worldwide on behalf of the Egyptian Antiquities Service (EAS). If his legal application succeeds, it will earn millions of dollars every year for Hawass Conglomerated Industries Inc., the holding company that now owns the EAS. It would not be the first time he has pulled off such an audacious move. Two years ago, he succeeded in retroactively copyrighting the Photoshop technique of altering a photograph's proportions in order to reduce the apparent squareness of a subject's head - a move that instantly bankrupted Paul Burrell and Sylvester Stallone.

Hawass's multi-million dollar court action against the makers of the Indiana Jones films for unauthorised use of his trademark hat is ongoing at the time of writing.

Share this on facebook | Tweet this